Taking a Break

I am taking a break from this blog. No reasons to offer. And I'm bloody sure nobody cares.

Its a Dotty Business

I have a problem with dots. Yes, its a kink. I cannot see too many of them together, specially if they are swollen or embossed on any surface. Aaargh!

So, I have this new look to my blog. I am going to get over my 'dot phobia'. There can be only 2 outcomes. Either there will hightened writing activity, in which case I will urge the readers of this blog to punch in their comments on the quality of writing. It might suffer tremendously, considering the current level of scholastic brilliance I bring in. What a loss it will be to all you (3) readers! OR, I will just disappear into thin air (off the blog I mean) only to reappear with the old look.

So let's wait and watch.

Get Going

While switching channels this lazy Sunday morning, I stopped to hear a voice on a Business channel say '30s is the new 20s'. Now, I am still only approaching the 30s, still a couple of years to go, but it made me sit up and think.

The dilemmas hit me again - where am I, what am I doing, where do I want to go from here yadayadayada...

I think the time has come when I need to get out. Get out of this mundane existence and do the things I have wanted. Enough of waiting, enough of pandering to everyone's whims, enough of just 'being'. It is time for some action. I am hoping putting it up on this blog will retain the rush and urgency I am feeling now, to actually get started.

The worst thing is to know you have the capability to do something and just sit idle not doing it, not getting after it. I have got to take the risk. I have always followed and persevered to get what I want. Maybe I should have seen this day much earlier, or perhaps not. No time is lost. I have come this far in life and I am happy I have experienced all that I have. I feel the drive to take this plunge in full swing only now! And I am bloody well going to do it!

So, is it going to be a new job? Yes. Same industry? Maybe. A hidden dream? Definitely.

There are some things I know will take time to achieve, and some smaller things I know I CAN do right away. Little things that will make me very happy. You will see, you will hear :-)

Before I move from one family to the 'other', while my parents try hard fixing me up, I need the transition phase to be spent with just myself. No commitments to nobody. Before I take on 'that' role, there are some things I need to get done to feel good about myself.

I am not even there yet, but I tell you, when you decide you're going to - the feeling is incredible. I hope I can write about what I did actually end up doing and feel all great about it, very very soon.

Cheers to all those who didn't even realise they played a huge role in getting me started onto this. Hope everyone does what they really want to, and find it in themselves soon enough to get going.

Love and peace...

True Calling

I am known to be someone with a strong will-power. Well, the key word here is 'known'. I try to live upto it this incontestably good quality. Lord knows how I have given some people that impression. But I do get really persevering if I set my mind to something. That's how my current job came to me. Everyone around me could have sworn I was aimless hunting.
However, I shouldn't take the credit for all the good that has come my way. Opportunity has played its vital role.

Having said that, I have been awaiting a certain opportunity to befall upon me for quite sometime now - always looking for the slightest sign, the smallest word uttered that might forebode the occurence of the opportunity. But nothing. I tried, missed, tried again, half the time not kowing if I was going the right away. With nobody to guide me, it has been rather hard.

I have long nurtured a wish to be a full-time singer. But since my taste in the music I hear as well as sing is so diverse, I didn't want to get restricted to being a performing artiste in any one style. Mine is the 'free style'. I like borrowing from here and there, adding my own thing and creating something enigmatic. It is hard to explain the rush I get when I hear some bits from the 'Shakti' band. I have at times gone back to hearing a bit that spans barely 5 secs again and again! Anyway, the question I asked myself repeatedly then was - if its not classical, if its not mainstream film, if its not pop, what is it?? There is no answer to that question. But I like the music some people in the industry create and I figured, for starters, I'd like to be part of that. Be this free bird who could flock from one team of enthusiastic music makers to another. It would be perfect!

So I wait..no waited patiently, for the opportunity to present itself, still putting in my bit of effort once in a while. No committed effort, just loose effort. My friends had the answer to my creative grief - "Go for the talent hunt!", they'd tell me. I was aghast at the very thought of it. Talent Hunt? You mean standing in lines, being judged and mocked at by a bunch of morons, letting the public of India decide my fate through their precious votes?? And endure heavy make-up, make-overs, forced dance steps to go with the singing? No way. I wasn't going to fall into the trap of reality shows. It is unreal in my world of music.

Having said that, I was willing to do this if I had faith in the person judging me, if I liked what he/she had to offer in music. And I hoped such a person wouldn't care for the looks, the dance, the height-weight ratio or any of that. I don't particulalry like the associated marketing, hype and other such bagaage that comes with shows like these. And besides, it would take me somewhere I didn't want to go.

And the opporutnity arrived, like most others do from the most unexpcted quarters. It may just be the beginning of beginnings, but its sure to take me somewhere. Atleast its given me the comfort of not feeling wasted (something I battle every weekend). I have a purpose, a goal, however short-term and its keeping me alive. Its put life back into me. I can feel the rush again!. Its incredible. I expect nothing, although an elimination is bound to bring some disappointment, but still - its all worth it. And you know the best part? It couldn't have been better timed.

Delusion, Dilemma & Diktat

Did we ever think of asking the question “Is there a God?” Either we were handed down the belief by our fiercely religious ancestors and willingly accepted it; have lived with the atheist belief as long as we have known ourselves; or, consciously taken the route to be either a believer/non-believer. But have we gone beyond and asked ‘the question’? Do we know we have the option to question?
Have we ever questioned our religious or cultural identity? Reflecting on the existence of God is a much farther concern, one I will ponder over in my subsequent posts. It requires tremendous clarity in thought and I am not sure I am quite ready yet, to put it all down, though I do know where I stand on the issue.

I’ll tell you just where all this is coming from. I have been in the middle of some sort of a personal battle. (I prefer the word battle over crisis because the former gives me the hope that it can be fought, as against the dim, discouraging nature of the word ‘crisis’).

Now, at what I thought would be the defining day, I saw myself faced with a critical situation that would pretty much set the tone for my future – immediate if not permanent. Through all this, I was counselled by my well-wishers to keep my faith in God and ‘leave it to Him’. Well I couldn’t. Believer or non-believer, I am sure what is least expected of us is to manage our own businesses. Even God would tell us that. I did take help though. Spoke to people whose words comforted me and readied myself. When friends were busy, I did other things. Music. It is almost like a religion to me. If religion is meant to give us strength, show us the way, and keep us grounded - music it is for me.

Anyway, coming back to the point. The moot question here is of identity. A lot of what we are, how we are and most importantly, how we face tough situations in life, flows out of a certain distinctive quality we are made of. It IS convenient (I am not suggesting wrong, just convenient) to hold on to God as a crutch, but it can never replace the role of consciousness. God is a part of my life, but in a very different way. He is someone I sit before in a temple because the experience is healing; He is someone I sing songs in praise of, because there is so much philosophy in them. It’s a humbling feeling to know there is a force out of our control that is operating. He is an experience that is part of my everyday being.

These beautiful lines from the book I am currently reading – The God Delusion, by Richard Dawkins, are worth mentioning at this point.

In this, the author quotes Einstein:
“To sense that behind anything that can be experienced, there is something that our mind cannot grasp and whose beauty and sublimity reaches us only indirectly and as a feeble reflection, this is religiousness. In this sense I am religious.”

It’s beautiful and so true isn’t it?
So it is not about religion really. Unless, you will grant me that religion is an amalgam of experiences that we acquire as we move along in life. In that sense religion is a growing phenomenon. It is of course based on firm grounding and roots, which widen and grow as we grow & age with time. This is why my argument for a cultural identity is important. It gives us all a starting point. Have an identity is all I am saying. Our parents’ beliefs need not be ours. I remember wanting to be different - not knowing if I had the choice to change, tossing the thought in my mind and rebelling against norms. Finally, I found my peace. Now, I like my Tamil roots and metropolitan upbringing. The rituals have different meaning for me; devotion has an almost liberating effect on me!

Music currently listeing to - Old recording of all cousins singing bhajans
Current frame - Deeply philosophical

Let’s work on the scare

Off late I have been hearing of so many cases of people afflicted with cancer, I am beginning to wonder if this ‘devil’ has taken the form of some sort of an epidemic. ‘Coz this was something of a rarity earlier and although it shocked me to hear about it everytime, there was always a reasoning that followed – “must have been a heavy smoker”, “must be the age” or simply, ‘the genetic mutation’ factor, which obviously affected only a few!

Knowing me and the way my head makes connections between two isolated instances and snowballs the whole thing into a matter of behemoth-ic magnitude, I avoided thinking about it. I have this uncanny feeling everytime I talk of unpleasant happenings, that it’s just right outside the door waiting to pay me a visit! I know the idea is preposterous, but that’s how I am.

So I mustered up the courage to give this some thought. It just triggered off so many random thoughts, all of which seem to come together when viewed in a particular context. This demands serious concern. We cannot feel helpless and resign ourselves to fate so easily! Well, for believers of fate (like myself), one can’t work against the deific forces, but we can still be in the ‘know’ of things.

A little reading up or googling on Cancer and other problems caused due to sedentary lifestyles would tell you that a lot of what happens is a direct or indirect impact of the environment we live in. No, that needs a correction –‘the environment we create for ourselves to live in’.

From packaged food, fizzy colas, microwave cooking, chemicals in cosmetics to the cell phone explosion and the onslaught of gadgets that shamelessly help you do ridiculously inconsequential tasks – we are trapped in this quagmire of technology & chemical revolution!

This is progress - the power we are wielding with our money, proving our rightful place in this booming economy of high disposable incomes!

While technology and its growth might be a turning point for humans, it also spells doom for many of us.

Take notice of this.

1. Everyday personal care products such as shampoos, soaps, deodorant and make-up contain chemicals that are directly linked to cancer.
2. Our skin and hair soak up over 60% of a body product applied/used, which then enters our blood stream.
3. Monosodium glutamate (commonly known as ajino-moto) is banned in most parts of the world, but we in India still use it in our ‘Desi’ Chinese dishes.
4. Most perfumes have an undesirable mix of chemicals which when applied too frequently, have harmful effects on our body and the environment.
5. While microwave cooking is a boon to many households, it comes with its fair share of hazards. Read this to learn tips on safe microwave cooking. Also see WHO.
6. Plastics. So many environment-friendly groups have tried explaining to the generally thick-headed mass of public to ‘Say No To Plastics’, only to see it (live and) die its own death as a fad that a lot of teens enjoyed being a part of for a short span. It was cool then, it isn’t cool now.
7. Smoking and chewing tobacco. I am not even starting on giving any statistic on this. We all know what we should be doing, let us please get our act together.

Most of us think that only things we directly use or do affect us. We couldn't be more ignorant and complacent. Every single thing of what is mentioned above and so much more, impacts us in more ways than one! No one is saying we should stop using soaps, shampoos or investing in looking good. But we sure need to watch out for what we are putting inside us and what we are throwing back at the environment – abusing it the way we do every single day! And then, sit helplessly outside the OPD, with a pained expression (sans make-up now), clinging to reports covering every single part of our body and wait feverishly to hear the doctor’s judgement.

From today - LESS Maggi, NO plastics and MORE exercise!

Music currently listening to - 'Sonnalum' - brilliant A.R Rahman stuff from the movie 'Kadal Virus'

Current frame - Urge to break-free

Spare a Thought

Guess what is the latest in the field of outsourcing? Its 'Wombs for Rent'. This phenomenon dubbed 'Outsourcing Pregnancy' or 'The Reproductive Revolution' has made 2 small-time practitioners from Gujarat and Chennai medical superstars. My cousin in Canada did a feature on them and I thought it was an interesting subject to dwell upon - posing many ethical and moral questions.

So here's how it works. Young and spirited young women from desolate nondescript villages in India play surrogate mothers to childless couples from as far away as Japan, Finland, Germany, the U.S and Canada. This gives them an opportunity, a dream opportunity to escape the lower-middle class ghetto in what remains the most rigid class-bound boundaries in the world. Its a win-win situation for both parties. To the surrogates this is a spectacularly lucrative and otherwise unthinkable career option. They now buy pucca houses, send their children to school and nurture other dreams. To them this is 'good, pious work'. For the couples desiring a child, their surrogate friends are a god-send. From paying anywhere between $20,000 and $50,000 in their home countries, the Indian mothers are paid only $5000 to $10,000. A small price for a lifetime of joy.

Apparently these medical practitioners have helped launch a national boom estimated at $200 million! But I have some points of my own to make on this.

1. Is it moral to pay the world's poor to have our children? Well, it is as long as the arrangement is carried out by the parties in full knowledge and safeguards for both are in place.
2. There must be contracts that ensure seeking parents get their child, while the surrogates have children of their own as a psychological insurance.
3. Surrogate mothers should be tested for a healthy reproductive cycle so that they can carry their pregnancy to term. Fertility tests, HIV tests, whatever it takes.
4. Another caveat for anyone shopping in this bargain-friendly market is to give due consideration to the laws prevailing in the home countries of intended parents.
5. Binding guidelines - couples should have some recourse should things go wrong. Same goes for the surrogates. They lose their money if they don't carry to term?
6. With all the good that this business might be doing, we need to watch out for hucksters who exploit young mothers.
7. Few clinics do the 'search for the womb' on their own and restrict themselves to only the embryo transfer and delivery. Recruiting the right surrogate is as important a decision as transferring the embryo into 'any' healthy womb.

It probably will take a while for this booming industry to show its face out in the public instead of staying down-under. But let us just understand, in a culture where parenthood is both a birthright and a social duty, there is a moral imperative in this operation, much beyond the economic implications - that is to help those who can't to attain it.

Music currently listening to - Buena Vista Social Club http://www.pbs.org/buenavista/
Current frame - Introspective